Today has been one of those: "I hate diabetes days."

When I woke up this morning I felt an odd feeling of anxiety which I hadn't felt in a very long time.  My daughter, Kalee, has been struggling this past week with very high blood sugars and at times my fears and frustration can get the best of me...  When I say fears....  I am referring to fear of how these high blood sugars are affecting Kalee's long term health.  Frustration of why after all of these years of caring for diabetic children can't I get it right!!  I know that these thoughts can seem irrational...  but I'm only human and for some reason today it all seemed to hit me like a ton of bricks.  As I gave Kalee an injection of novelog in hopes that her blood sugar would come down faster...  I put on a tough front but part of me wanted to fall apart. I guess you would say that I am having one of those "I hate diabetes days!!"  I'm entitled aren't I??  We are off to bring in the New Year with some friends and family tonight and part of me wants to jump under my covers with the blankets pulled over my head :(  As I head out this evening with a smile on my face and my husband and children by my side I will do the big Happy New Year thing with hugs and kisses and horns and whistles.  I'm taking a deep breath and moving on trying to convince myself that I can only do the best that I can.  Happy New Year my friends...  Prayers for a healthy 2013 <3

Goodbye 2012 and Happy New Year!! ;)

As 2012 winds down my hope and prayer is that we are one year closer to a cure for all of our Type 1 families out there. In reflecting upon the year I would have to say that it has definitely been filled with the ups and downs of good days/ bad days... High blood sugars and low blood sugars. Pumps working and pumps failing. I have been blessed by this blog... It has allowed me to encounter so many people that know exactly how it feels to have that lump in your throat as the b/g meter reads a blood sugar of 435 and the feeling of satisfaction/ even happiness when at the end of the day the average blood sugar has been 136. I am grateful for all of the support that has been given to me from so many who go through the daily task of caring for and raising children with Type 1. I must say that I learn so much about strength and endurance from my children. Their resilience is amazing to me. Although, 2012 hasn't been a perfectly easy road (when you find that easy road would you please let me know?) It has been a road full of life lessons which have made me more knowledgeable than I was the year before. As I sit here typing in my bed at 3 a.m (just after a blood sugar check)... looking back upon the year brings on a feeling of melancholy. My hearts desire is a cure for our children... I am hopeful that this is on the horizon, and grateful that I have them in my life to love and learn from... Happy New Year to all of you Type 1 families. I know that life affected by Type 1 isn't easy... in fact, it is down right difficult at times... I am holding on to the hope that with each year we are one step closer to a breakthrough... So bring it on 2013!!! Love to all of you <3

Putting it into perspective....

Life as we know it has been changed with the course of events that have occurred over the past week.  I haven't had words to begin to express my heartfelt grief for the families affected by the Newtown tragedy.  The world is still the same.  There has always been good and evil, but somehow when the lives of children are taken away it feels as if the goodness of the world has been removed...  Let me also make mention of the heroic adults who too, lost their lives to this horrific tragedy.  I have been reflecting all week, trying to wrap my mind around this devastating event but cannot even begin to process the thought of losing any of my children.  As I finished up the last of the Christmas shopping and wrapping of gifts I could not help but feel an overwhelming sense of guilt and sadness for celebrating a holiday, when other families are suffering such a deep loss from having their children tragically taken from them.  Somehow, over the course of the past week, the midnight and 3 a.m blood sugar checks haven't seemed as exhausting.  In fact, there was actually a part of me that was grateful to wake up and have my children sleeping soundly in their beds while I was testing their blood sugars.  As I sent them out the door to school each day, with a silent prayer of protection over their lives...  I thanked God for giving them to me.   So many times over the years, I have had to stop myself from questioning "why" two of my children were stricken with Type 1 and today I feel guilty for asking such a question because I am so grateful just to have them.  Do not get me wrong, I am only human, and I realize that I am still going to have those feelings of frustration with the dreadful days of treating high and low blood sugars but when such an event occurs like that of Sandy Hook, it puts it all into perspective.  May God bless and keep you all safe and sound this holiday season and to all of the families  of Newtown Connecticut.... My prayers are with you.

NYC At Christmas Time... It Can Be Tricky but...It Can Be Done ;)

Well...  Yesterday we decided to take our annual 2 1/2 hour road trip into NYC for some Manahttan Christmas sight-seeing and shopping.  We have tried to make this a tradition since the kids were small and the city is so beautifully clad with decoration at Christmas time.  I must say having to pack the extra insulin, pump supplies, test strips, sugar tabs. and meters does take a little bit of the "magic" from the trip but I refused to let it damper my spirit..  Once we were on the road and I checked and rechecked my bags about 50 times to be sure that I had all of the needed supplies, I took a deep breath as the kids excitment for Christmas in NYC escalated. We had a wonderful time in Rockefellar Center, seeing the tree and walking Fifth Ave..  Taking in all of the magically decorated store windows.  I should not leave out the chestnuts/hotdogs and pretzels which are part of the tradition of the city.  We have gotten pretty good over the years with testing blood sugars on the corner of fifth and park ave.  Although it Can be tricky....  It Can be done!  Somewhere between Central Park and Herald Square at 34th St. one of the kids usually goes low...  Of course they do.  It is tons of walking!!!  That is where fruit snacks and sugar tablets in the pockets come in handy.  At home we use juice boxes to treat a low but in the city they are a bit too much to carry around.  In Macy's, after Santa Land, we stop for a hot chocolate and a gingerbread cookie with lots of carbs....  (That is what I am thinking silently, to myself, the entire time that the kids are happily savoring their treats).  I know that only you Type 1 parents understand that thought process ;).  As we head into Time Square,  Michael has another low (which he is thrilled about because he loves the fruit snacks)....  As he munches, we keep walking toward our final destination.  In Time Square, after visiting the M&M and Hershey Store, The Disney Store, and Toys r Us  (FAO Schwarz is still my favorite toy store- even if it doesn't have an indoor ferris wheel) we moved on to our dinner reservation.  Not before taking a picture in front of the the 2012 New Years' Ball that drops every year in Time Square.  So I would say that our family traditon of NYC at Christmas time was a success, with only a few high and low blood sugars here and there (to be expected)..  In the world of Type 1....  It was a day that went off as close to "Without a Hitch" as they come ;)  Enjoy your family traditions and try not to let the little (and sometimes BIG) inconveniences of Type 1 Diabetes prevent you from having fun <3

Tis' the Season...

The holidays are here!!  This is the time of year when the Christmas parties and family gatherings are in full force.  With the parties come all of the delicious treats: cakes, candies, cookies..  (canolli's- if you are Italian ;)  Sometimes, as you Type1 parents know, these goodies can wreak a lot of havoc on the blood sugars.  The counting carb. part of my brain goes into overdrive (sometimes overload) at this time of year!  I do my best to keep watch as to what my children are eating, although not always an easy task.  We try to enjoy the festivities as much as possible.  In the early years of the Type 1 diagnoses....  these parties were more of an anxiety festival for me but as experience would have it....  I embrace the holiday gatherings, a bit more than I had in the past.  I do the best that I can to work with the kids on figuring out all of the carbs that they are taking in... (Although sometimes we are very off. Other times we are right on!).  My advice to the parents heading into the holiday season..  is to try as much as possible to enjoy it.  It is once a year, and they won't be little forever...  We make mistakes with the carb. counting and the insulin bolus's might be wrong but mistakes happen...  Correct the high's and lows, and try, if you can to move on and enjoy yourself.  It is not healthy for anyone to worry sick over carb. counting.  Believe me... I know! Carry extra insulin and extra sugar with you for those mistakes which happen from time to time.  Don't beat yourself up over the mistakes...  we ALL make them.  I try as much as possible not to say "no" to the treats at these parties..  After all, it is Christmas time.  My hope is that as the kids get older they will use better discretion in deciding whether or not to have that third and fourth cookie..  We are definitely not there yet:( So in the mean time we will ride through these holidays "guesstimating" the carbs and praying for a good A1C!  Happy Holidays to all of you Type 1 Families.  You hold a special  place in my heart.  I especially understand that even the most happiest of occasions can be stressful in the world of Type 1 <3 

When It Rains, It Pours... ;)

Well, I am fairly certain that from reading my past few blogs here and there you can probably get the picture that "Things" in general, have been far from perfect in this household lately ;)   Today is Friday and to put it mildly, I am glad that this week is winding down.  My husband left Monday for his last week of training in New Hampshire. The same Monday that Michael's insulin pump randomly deactivated his omnipod as the school bus was coming down the road to pick him up for the start of the new school week :(  Thank God for Grandma- who lives across the street, and was awake, dressed and willing to drive Michael to school once a new omnipod had been replaced...  This is the same Monday that my cell phone (which the kids call and text me with blood sugars through out the day on) decided to stop taking incoming calls!!  After hours of frustrating conversations with my celluar company, it seems, for now, that the problem has been resolved...  Okay, sigh.... Monday's crisis seems to be winding down. Tuesday morning...  6 a.m..  Wake up time!  The kids blood sugars seem fairly stable, everyone has gotten themselves together in a timely fashion and Michael has ten minutes to spare before the arrival of the school bus.  He turns the televesion on and drops the remote...  Okay, not a big deal, this happens frequently in our house.  The t.v screen turns an odd bluish color so I unplug the t.v and the cable to reset the televesion.  The picture comes up beautifully after a few minutes but...  there is absolutly no sound!!  Oh my goodness..  Maybe it is the mute button..  NOPE. The t.v is not on mute..  Trying to hide my frustration, as the bus is now heading down the street...  I grab Michaels backpack and send him on his way...  All the while in a state of panic, as now...  I have no t.v.  It is broken :(  Somethings in life I do not hesitate to replace  immediatly..  The washer, the dryer and of course the t.v!  I quickly got on-line, in a frenzy, determined to purchase a new one, when the voice of rational (my mother) tried to persuade me to contact the cable company.  I explain, to her, that the sound going on a t.v is not a cable issue..  it is a television issue but Mom convinces me to call.  After a half and hour on hold and fifteen minutes of directions and a walk thru on how to get into seven different screens, from "Mike the cable guy" the problem had been resolved...  My mother (and Mike the cable guy had just saved me $500.00!).  Okay, Tuesdays crisis seems to be resolved!  Wed. went by unscathed, with just a few night time high blood sugars which came down nicely by morning.   As Thursday came around I was feeling like just maybe we would come out of this week with our sanity in tact..  The day went well..  Kalee had a late afternoon six month check up, at the Albany Med. Neuro. Dept. (Just to check in for migraines.)  We got a good report from the Dr. and were about to leave, when this hot, faint feeling came over me.  I said to Kalee, "Lets just take a seat in the waiting room for a moment until this feeling passes."  We sat and about three minute later I was ready to head through the hospital and out the doors to the parking lot.  Once in the car, Kalee tells me that she can't find her cell phone...  Really??  You have got to be kidding me, right??  No.. NOT KIDDING.  She had it in the neurolgy office and now it is gone.  After pulling myself together enough to stop ranting we walked through the parking lot, into the hospital, up the elevator into the office... where there was no cell phone.  We moved chairs and called it about 100 times but to no avail.  I finally gave up and decided to leave.  We got in the car and headed home.  I wasn't speaking because I knew I'd cry and rant, once home, Kalee takes her coat off and casually says.. "Oh my goodness, here is my phone in this hidden pocket." I was relieved  but wanted to scream at the same time...  By midnight the stomach bug had hit me, thus explaining the hot faint feeling that came over in the Neurologist office.  So now it Friday...  My husband is home, my stomach thing seems better and the week is winding down..  But I think this past Monday through Friday could be titled: Our Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Week.  Much like children's book written by Judith Viorist about Alexandars Terrible, Horrible , No Good, Very Bad day...  ;(  Hopes for a better weekend to come!