Baby Steps.....

Every since my children were first diagnosed with Type 1...   I have periodically gone through "A thing," you could say, where I just want to keep them close to me...  This does not fare well with my 14 year old as you can imagine, and she has managed to break through my barrier and branch out.  Allowing someone else to be responsible for any of my children has been a huge struggle for me especially during their younger years.  I am not referring to school.  I am fairly (not completely) comfortable with sending them to their place of instruction every day where there are health officials on staff, and full day supervision.. (definitely more supervision in the lower grade level schools rather than the high school).  I am talking about the extracurricular activities,  sleepovers (which I still have a hard time with), birthday parties,  just simple play dates have become almost a nervous breakdown for me, at times.  I had managed to come up with excuse after excuse why the kids could not make it to these events when they were small, but as they got older it became more difficult.  The inevitable happened, where the kids developed a mind of their own...  and they wanted to go! ;)  My, Michael, has a birthday party to go to this evening and I can not help thinking....  "What if he forgets to call me with the food that he eats?"  "What if he does not take the time to test his blood sugar before cake?" "What if he drinks the regular soda instead of diet?"  "What if he goes low and does not want to take the time to treat?"  What if, What if, What if!!!  I mean really....  Michael will be gone for 2-1/2 hours and I am having "A thing"...  I continuously tell myself..."Mary, you have to let him go." but, I think having something traumatic happen in your life changes a persons way of thinking.  Some people may disagree, but having my children diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes, is on the top of my list of traumatic things that have happened in my life.  Not to mention,  Michael is "The Baby" in the house which makes me want to hover a little more.   He will go to the party this evening and the odds are in his favor that everything will turn out fine.  This is just one of my struggles that I must work on daily.... Letting Michael go tonight may seem like "Baby Steps" to most people, but I would consider this to be a GINORMOUS step in my world...  ;)

Hours Later....

Well Michael went to the party and all seemed well... He called me 2X's with the food that he had eaten.  When we picked him up he looked a little glassy eyed to me.. A look that was all too familiar  but that no one else would notice unless they had encountered it before.  In the car he was talking but seemed a little grouchy which is not his demeanor at all...  When we got home I quickly tested Michael (against his will)...  The meter read "low"which indicates that his blood sugar was too low to give an accurate read.  He was insisting that he felt high and refused fruit snacks and juice...  even a granola bar (I was desperate and offered anything that he might like).  He wanted strawberries and water...  Not enough sugar at all, but the berries were a start...  He ate them and I was able to coerce him into eating a popsicle as well...  Once Michael's blood sugar hit a whopping 65, his sweet little personality came back... Episodes like this, which happened tonight, cause me to continue to go through "My Thing" of always wanting to keep the kids with me... (Unrealistic, I know, but it's just the way I feel.) Michael is fine now and all turned out well,  but I do not foresee these "Ginormous Steps" of letting my children go every becoming easy little "Baby Steps" for me in the near future..  :(