A New Normal....

I do not have the exact words to express what our family has been through over the past month.  We lost our young, beautiful, kind hearted, always smiling, cousin Chrissy, after a courageous battle with breast cancer.  She was  a wonderful wife, mother, daughter, "aunt" to my children and "sister" to me.  Chrissy was my first morning phone call and my last "Good Night" text after a busy day of doing the stay-at-home mom things that we stay-at-home moms do.  You know, the cooking, cleaning, taxi-drivers of the world that help with homework, balance the check book, kiss the bruises and wipe the tears.  Our lives have been changed forever and we now have the daunting task of trying to develop a "New Normal." The "Normal" as we knew it has been taken from us and trying to come up with the answers to "Why?" has been unrelenting.  My own faith felt shaken by this tragedy that has devastated my family...  As I stood at Chrissy's graveside today, looking up toward heaven asking God..."Where are you in all of this?" I felt so broken and alone.  I have been searching for comfort in this storm of grief.  A passage in a book that I have been reading spoke to me clear as day: A quote from Choosing to See, by Marybeth Chapman, "As I took a walk on the beach, I cried out to God.  How?"...  Here is what I heard....  How? By remembering that I am God and your trust has to rely completely on Me...  no striving of your own will to fix, heal, cure, help, calm any of what you see as a mess. I allow what I allow for reasons you can't even comprehend... rest.. you won't figure this out."  That passage spoke to me.  Focusing on the why's and the how's is not part of God's plan for us.  There are situations that God allows to happen in our lives that we will never be able to understand.  My family's heart is broken.  It is so easy for us to get washed away in the "Why's" we must instead trust God and hold on to the promise that we will be with Chrissy again some day.  Thus the undaunting task of creating a "New Normal" in our world that will never be the same without her.

Out Of Our Control.... "The Big Picture"

"Out of our control"... What is the "Big Picture?"  This is an issue that has literally slapped me in the face over the past few weeks.  Our family has been struggling with some personal health issues....  attacking not one but a few of us and it forces me to realize that as much as I try....  I cannot control every aspect of life.  My children who are so precious to me are truly in the hands of God, (and there are no better hands than His) but.. as much as I wish that I could "fix" everything for them.....  that is not the way life works.  I can't always fix the health issues or the heart aches and trials that we all seem to go through at some point in our life.  I haven't even been able to fix my own struggles as of lately...  and I am putting it out there friends...  I have truly been struggling myself recently.  I am certain that life has climbed on me and as much as I would like to think that this has happened overnight...  I realize that I have been struggling for months maybe even years....  Could it be that two of my children have been diagnosed with Type 1??   Absolutely..  Could it be that I worry, at times, about my oldest getting it?? Certainly....  Or could it just be that I have been struggling with my own personal issues which have lead to one very anxious woman who realizes.....  that everything is feeling out of control....  I am learning with each day that I really need to turn "Everything" over to God...  Which if you know me you have to know that this is something that "Mrs. Fix It" truly struggles with.  We are all human and as much as I wish I could share that I have it all together all of the time, those of you who know me can attest to the fact that I do not... I feel that I need to share this for others that are going through struggles and fears that are simply "Out of our control." You know the saying/song...  "What doesn't kill us makes us stronger.."  Well...  I am not so certain that those words are absolutely true but  I do feel that the struggles and trials in life happen for a reason..  I wish that I had the answers for so many "Why?" questions but I do believe there is a "Big Picture," that isn't always revealed to us in our timing ... <3  xoxo

Sweets and Treats that the Easter Bunny delivers.. :D

Happy Easter everyone! (Especially to my Type 1 families -out there).  I know that the Easter Bunny delivers candy and treats that can sometimes get a little confusing when it comes to carb. counts and insulin delivery.  The Bunny also delivers some small toys (bubbles, chalk, jump ropes) and gift cards-for the older kids (which can get a bit costly ;).  So, for the most part, in this household...  the candy gets delivered for Easter Morning and if we are lucky...  the Easter Bunny leaves the back of the packaging in a cabinet (which has the nutritional facts listed... including the carb counts!)  If the bunny forgets to leave the packaging- which is easy to do when filling the baskets late at night, (tired and not thinking clearly), we just wing it...  after all, it is a holiday and we all deserve a little celebrating.  Any chocolate the size of a hershey kiss we count as 3 to 4 carbs.  1 normal sized jelly bean, we count as 2 carbs...  the jumbo sized are about 5 carbs. A medium sized chocolate bunny we "guestimate" between 35 and 40 carbs.  A great resource can be the Calorie King carb. count booklet, which I used to carry around, religiously, in my purse along with my wallet and car keys! Hope some of this helps you parents out there who are working hard to make Easter as "Normal" for your Type 1 kiddo's as it is for every child who celebrates the day!  Happy Easter!  P.S..  Jelly Beans are a great way to treat a low!! <3

Trail of Test Strips... :)

I have just finished picking up the house from the morning fury of getting the kids out the door to school and I realized that in every room there is a test strip on the floor.  Now, parents of diabetics, you are going to totally relate to me when I say that we are like Hansel and Grettel in this household with leaving our trail of test strips everywhere we go.  I cannot possibly understand how they get EVERYWHERE!!!  I have joked in the past with my friends that anyone will be able to find us no matter where we are by following the trail of test strips.... They end up outside, in the back yard, the front lawn, the car.....  pretty much anywhere that you can imagine...  I found one floating in the pool last summer....  No one was testing in the pool....  hmmm.  The other morning a test strip was found while making my bed, beneath my pillow.  Must have stuck to me from the the midnight or 3 a.m blood sugar checks....  It is a silly thing, but I guess the trail of test strips is a pretty good indicator that the kids are doing their blood sugar testing and maybe I should take comfort in that instead of getting so frustrated with the vacuum cleaner, which for some reason will not suck any of them up!!!  Oh well I will be going around the house into each room and picking up the strips by hand this morning.  I may need a cup of coffee before I begin that task :) Enjoy your day!

Happy March Everyone :D

Wow...  It is March 1st already!  I feel like I lost the entire month of February.  It has been pretty much a blur since my back surgery, almost 4 weeks ago. Recovery is going (ever so slowly).  Type 1 doesn't care about mom's surgery though!  It feels at times like it has a mind set of its own..  You know what I mean, right?? Like..  the lets kick you when your down mind set..  Not always, but sometimes..  Well, regardless, last night Kalee was feeling a little low before bedtime and her blood sugar was reading 89 so I gave her a juice box since she was going to bed and had finished her indoor soccer practice about an hour prior.  I had a feeling her blood sugar would plummet after all of the running.  Well, twenty minutes later she came to tell me that her blood sugar was 250...  What?? Impossible...  I said, lets do a re-check.  Sure enough Kalee's blood sugar was reading 257.  Oh well, sometimes we just cannot explain these things.  So I gave her a correction bolus and she was off to bed.  I was too, but....  you parents of Type 1 diabetics know about much sound sleep we get each night ;)  I tested Kalee about an hour later and she was now 301. Hmmm...  What's going on here?  I bolused her again and headed to bed.  The entire night was hour re-checks with high blood sugars and correction bolus's.  On any normal given night I would have done two corrections and if Kalee's blood sugar was not dropping, would have changed her site and moved on....  However, recovering from this surgery has "fried" my brain a bit and I was feeling so exhausted that I was sure one of the correction bolus's would have kicked in.  To no avail by 6 a.m Kalee was awake and getting ready for school, still sitting in the 200 range.  I asked her to let me take a look at her site for a quick check. To my dismay there was a patch of pooled blood and insulin sitting just below the insertion site of her omnipod.  TMI...  YUCK! Oh no...  "I'm a fail..."  Was the first thought that entered my mind... If I had done my normal protocol with a site change last night we would have all slept more sound.  Kalee changed the site and moved on with her day as if nothing happened at all.. Thank God for the resilience of teenagers :)  I moved on, as well, there really isn't a choice in the matter and instead of beating myself up over it, which I have done many times throughout this journey of parenting,  I chose, for today anyway, to accept that these things will happen from time to time and maybe "I am not such a fail."  None of you parents  out there dealing with health issues, whether it be you or your children are a fail.  We are all trying to do the best we can and as difficult as it is... We must accept that some things are out of our control.  Forgiving ourselves is a struggle but it is necessary to survive Type 1 parenting!!!  Happy March Everyone..  and please... Think Spring!!!  <3

Road to Recovery :)

Well.... I am eleven days post surgery and I must say, it's been a bit more of a struggle than I had anticipated.   The kids ( my main concern) while I was in the hospital, did fine.  Blood sugars cooperated, which alleviated some of the "mom"stress.  The surgery was more entailed than originally thought.  What went from a supposed one hour procedure turned into a three and half hour operation.  There was a great deal of nerve manipulation and although I can walk, I am very unsteady with little to no feeling in my left foot.  I will begin physical therapy this week so, I am hopeful that I can regain some strength back.  Being home has been somewhat of a journey because, as you parents know... Type 1 diabetes does not care if mom is "under the weather."  Since I have been home...  Michael caught a cold...  (colds are no friend of blood sugars)..  His blood sugars have been through the roof!  He is finally on the up scale, feeling good and blood sugars stabilizing (for the moment). ;)  Kalee.... thankfully, has really "stepped up" while I have been down.  She has helped in taking care of her brother as well as keeping on top of her own blood sugars which has not been easy.  I want to thank everyone for their prayers and well wishes.  Please keep them coming.  I have a longer road to recovery than I had hoped ( I must be a little delusional)  but I believe that in time... (who has time...  I am a mom!!)  I will get back to where I need to be.  :)

Please Say a Little Prayer.....

In one of my past posts (October)..."Take Time to Take Care of Yourself," I wrote about a back problem that I had been dealing with, which turned into a much bigger issue because I chose to ignore signals that my body was sending along the way.  We moms are famous for making light of our health here and there until something smacks us right in the face (or in my case..  in the back). Well, here I am months later, facing surgery coming up this Tuesday :(  This is so not the route that I was hoping to take.  As much as I have tried everything to avoid this...  I am now having to face the fact that this is the next step to  hopefully put me on the road to recovery.  In all honesty, I must say that I am probably just as worried about leaving the kiddos overnight, while I recover, than I am about the actual surgery itself.  Nights have not been a friend to us lately, with some serious hyper and hypoglycemic episodes.   My hope and prayer is that the Lord just puts his hands on this household and keeps those little pancreas's under His perfect control until I can get back to tend to them.  Please keep the kids in your prayers as this surgery day approaches...  and if you think of it... Could you throw a little prayer in for me too..?  ;)  Thanks so much! <3