Cutting the apron strings.... :)

The littlest things in life become very big deals in the world of Type 1...  My son, age 11 came to me and said "Mom, I'd like to try out for the play at school."  Now, in a perfect world any mother would be thrilled to have their child involved in extracurricular activities but...  in "My world" the world of Type 1 parenting...  my heart drops into my stomach with the though of, "After school, without mommy."  Now you would think that by now I would be used to this since my daughter, Kalee, also Type 1, has been playing soccer and running track since she were in middle school..  but ,even now that she is in the high school...  I find myself staring at the clock, after school, wondering when she is going to call for a ride home... If she is a minute past when practice is supposed to be over my heart starts racing.  Now, Michael has played on rec. soccer/even baseball teams since he were in pre-school.  The difference being....  myself or my husband has always been there watching him!!!  I don't worry so much while he is in school because the day is very structured with him checking in at the health office at least three times a day... but after school is a different story.  There are no nurses on staff and Michael always comes home to a snack waiting for him...  Now I will have to rely on a cell phone call and a granola bar to hold him over which may or may not do the trick.  I know that I have to do this but, in my heart I want Michael home safe and sound, with me, by 3:00, testing his blood sugar and eating his afternoon treat.  So tomorrow, I will be taking a BIG step in my world of cutting one maybe two at most of the apron strings...  which I have tried so hard for as long as I possibly could to keep attached.

Couldn't this get, "Just a little easier?" ;)

Well, today is A1C day...  and to be honest, I never actually look forward to this.  First of all, watching my children have their bloods drawn is not pleasant for me at all.  It especially used to break my heart when they were much younger and would put on those brave..  "Aren't you proud of me mommy," faces.  Secondly, I cannot imagine that Kalee's a1c is going to be too fabulous with all of the fluctuations that have been occurring with her blood sugar lately.  Michael will be in a good range...  He, thankfully, seems to be much more controlled right now than Kalee has been.  The kids never look forward to this appointment so it puts me on the "Bad Guy" list :(  Some how every dislike and bad thing that happens seem be the moms fault in our house.   I can't help wondering if  this will ever get easier :(  I go through the same conversation with my 15 year old, which eventually evolves into an argument over and over again hoping that one of these times she will understand that what I am trying to instill in her are healthy choices and good decisions to keep her well.  Instead in Kalee's mind, I am just mean....:(  I fear that Michael is slowly creeping down the path of ... "Testing my blood sugar is getting old now." I have watched him go from jumping up in the morning, testing and rushing to find me to convey his blood sugar reading to... handing me the meter and his finger and saying, "Here mom, I need to test."  I understand that Type 1 gets old very quickly but.....  couldn't it just get a little easier??  It is so constant and around the clock that it can consume a person if you allow it to.  I try not to do this but in all honesty I have to say it is a very difficult task.  I am off to pick the kids up early from school now for our Dr.'s appointment so..  please say a little prayer for the a1c's to be good and for this to some how, some way, "Get a little easier" <3

Teenagers and Type 1.. Can get complicated ;)

No one ever said that raising teenagers is an easy task.  Throw diabetes into the mix and things can get complicated.  Well last night my daughter Kalee...  turning 15 this week, went to a girlfriends for a sleepover.  Now let me just say that sleepovers are few and far between for my children because we have some wacky nights with blood sugars ranging from very high to extremely low..  Everything always seems worse at night in our household...  She texted me her blood sugar at 7p.m.. She was 145.  Then texted me a blood sugar at 10 p.m...  Her blood sugar increased to 210.  I  received another text at midnight..,  blood sugar was 245 (Oh no, here we go!!), .... We did one more correction and I was hopeful that she would come down.  I fell asleep and didn't waken until 6 a.m where I stared at the clock wondering if Kalee was sleeping, or dropping or feeling sick from a high blood sugar night.  A mom can really make themselves crazy with worry.. (well this mom can, anyway ;).  At 9 a.m I got a text " I feel sick and I am 405."  My reaction was none-the-less, over the top!  "What do you mean you are 405???"  "Do you purposely choose not to pay any attention to your glucose meter when it beeps and signals that you are rising??"  Okay, so maybe I over reacted a little, but I didn't need the beautiful response ..."U R being dramatic Mom! "  That is what my 15 year old texted back at me.  She changed her pod and blood sugar was dropping by the time she was picked up at about 10:30 a.m., but really!  Kalee knows all that we have done over the years to keep her healthy yet there are days where she chooses to ignore the possibility that by not taking care of her blood sugars she can become seriously ill.  It is such a fine line as a parent because...  I don't want to instill fear/and anxiety in Kalee by reminding her of the seriousness of her condition but...  at the same time she is getting older and should definitely be more aware of what needs to be done to keep herself safe and well.  I remember being a teenager (although the memory is getting more and more vague the older I get).. and I know that carefree feeling, sometimes I wish I still had it but....  in Kalee's case it can be detrimental.  She was perfectly fine for the rest of the day (except for having to listen to her mother rant a bit and go on and on about the importance of taking care of her blood sugars!)  It's what we mom's do, right??  Well, not all of us but I definitely do!  When Kalee was a little girl, I used to hear of these stories and be like...  "Not my daughter."  "Kalee would never be so irresponsible"..  Well, guess what parents.  I realize now that no one should ever be over confident of how you or your child will react in a situation unless we are walking through it ourselves.  Lesson learned ;).  I have a lot of lessons to go, I'm sure, but I certainly wish this teenage thing could be a little less stressful for all of us!

Sweet Dreams..... ;)

Well...  it is almost 1 a.m and although I had every intention of staying awake until 11 p.m to re-test the kids blood sugars, I closed my heavy eyes for just one second at around 9:45 and didn't wake up until now!  Since tomorrow (technically today) is the first day back to school after the holiday break I had wanted to make sure that their blood sugars were fairly close to target range at bed time in hopes that throughout the night and into the morning they would wake feeling good for the school day.  At around 9:30 p.m everyone seemed fine with Michael at 101 and Kalee testing at 89 (she had a juice box) and I told her I would re-test her at around 11.  Well here it is one in the morning and when I went to re-check both of the kids Kalee was testing at 347 and Michael was sitting at 239...  Yikes!!  What had happened???  Honestly..  sometimes I feel like the kids are dreaming about cookies and ice creme or something fabulously sweet and full of carbs...  to drastically increase their blood sugars during the night!  I corrected both Kalee and Michael and after an hour I re-checked...  Kalee was now pushing the 400 mark so there was no doubt for me...  time for a shot and a change in pod (although we had changed it at dinner time)..  When I went to take hers off I could see that the tubing/cannula was completely removed and sitting on top of her skin...  UGH!!!   Alright...  at least that would explain her high blood sugars...  Now it will only take the rest of the night to get her to come down and feeling good for school tomorrow.  Michael, on the other hand had a slower increase...  he went from 239 to 248.  I, of course, looked closely at his pod.  It looked like it was inserted properly, so I gave him another correction via the omnipod, increased his basal for about an hour and will sit and wait to see if he comes down.  I am happy to have this blog, other wise I would be scanning the television channels most likely ending up watching CNN,  trying everything possible to stay awake ;).  That first day sending the kids back to school always give me a nervous feeling in my stomach.  Now add these high blood sugars to that!!  Time for a deep breath (and maybe a cup of coffee:) The kids are due for a re-check so I will say goodnight for now... I know that I am not alone, as many of you type 1 parents have experienced these long nights from time to time.   Stay tuned for a continuation..  Although I am sure that this will turn out like the nights that many of you know so well: with small increment's of correction bolus's each hour and half ...  Kids will wake up not knowing a thing  happened and I will walk around looking as if I had been hit by a truck all day.  This certainly is not easy but as you mom's (and dads) out there know...  No one is more worth  all of this than our kids <3
Sweet (or maybe a little less sweet) dreams everyone ;)


Continued...  Well this morning was just what I had thought it would be.  The kids woke up with very close to target blood sugars...  (Kalee, believe it or not was actually a little on the low end with a b/s of exactly 70).  Michael was a lovely 130 and as you can imagine,  I am ready for bed... But unfortuntaly the day has just begun!  :)

Today has been one of those: "I hate diabetes days."

When I woke up this morning I felt an odd feeling of anxiety which I hadn't felt in a very long time.  My daughter, Kalee, has been struggling this past week with very high blood sugars and at times my fears and frustration can get the best of me...  When I say fears....  I am referring to fear of how these high blood sugars are affecting Kalee's long term health.  Frustration of why after all of these years of caring for diabetic children can't I get it right!!  I know that these thoughts can seem irrational...  but I'm only human and for some reason today it all seemed to hit me like a ton of bricks.  As I gave Kalee an injection of novelog in hopes that her blood sugar would come down faster...  I put on a tough front but part of me wanted to fall apart. I guess you would say that I am having one of those "I hate diabetes days!!"  I'm entitled aren't I??  We are off to bring in the New Year with some friends and family tonight and part of me wants to jump under my covers with the blankets pulled over my head :(  As I head out this evening with a smile on my face and my husband and children by my side I will do the big Happy New Year thing with hugs and kisses and horns and whistles.  I'm taking a deep breath and moving on trying to convince myself that I can only do the best that I can.  Happy New Year my friends...  Prayers for a healthy 2013 <3

Goodbye 2012 and Happy New Year!! ;)

As 2012 winds down my hope and prayer is that we are one year closer to a cure for all of our Type 1 families out there. In reflecting upon the year I would have to say that it has definitely been filled with the ups and downs of good days/ bad days... High blood sugars and low blood sugars. Pumps working and pumps failing. I have been blessed by this blog... It has allowed me to encounter so many people that know exactly how it feels to have that lump in your throat as the b/g meter reads a blood sugar of 435 and the feeling of satisfaction/ even happiness when at the end of the day the average blood sugar has been 136. I am grateful for all of the support that has been given to me from so many who go through the daily task of caring for and raising children with Type 1. I must say that I learn so much about strength and endurance from my children. Their resilience is amazing to me. Although, 2012 hasn't been a perfectly easy road (when you find that easy road would you please let me know?) It has been a road full of life lessons which have made me more knowledgeable than I was the year before. As I sit here typing in my bed at 3 a.m (just after a blood sugar check)... looking back upon the year brings on a feeling of melancholy. My hearts desire is a cure for our children... I am hopeful that this is on the horizon, and grateful that I have them in my life to love and learn from... Happy New Year to all of you Type 1 families. I know that life affected by Type 1 isn't easy... in fact, it is down right difficult at times... I am holding on to the hope that with each year we are one step closer to a breakthrough... So bring it on 2013!!! Love to all of you <3

Putting it into perspective....

Life as we know it has been changed with the course of events that have occurred over the past week.  I haven't had words to begin to express my heartfelt grief for the families affected by the Newtown tragedy.  The world is still the same.  There has always been good and evil, but somehow when the lives of children are taken away it feels as if the goodness of the world has been removed...  Let me also make mention of the heroic adults who too, lost their lives to this horrific tragedy.  I have been reflecting all week, trying to wrap my mind around this devastating event but cannot even begin to process the thought of losing any of my children.  As I finished up the last of the Christmas shopping and wrapping of gifts I could not help but feel an overwhelming sense of guilt and sadness for celebrating a holiday, when other families are suffering such a deep loss from having their children tragically taken from them.  Somehow, over the course of the past week, the midnight and 3 a.m blood sugar checks haven't seemed as exhausting.  In fact, there was actually a part of me that was grateful to wake up and have my children sleeping soundly in their beds while I was testing their blood sugars.  As I sent them out the door to school each day, with a silent prayer of protection over their lives...  I thanked God for giving them to me.   So many times over the years, I have had to stop myself from questioning "why" two of my children were stricken with Type 1 and today I feel guilty for asking such a question because I am so grateful just to have them.  Do not get me wrong, I am only human, and I realize that I am still going to have those feelings of frustration with the dreadful days of treating high and low blood sugars but when such an event occurs like that of Sandy Hook, it puts it all into perspective.  May God bless and keep you all safe and sound this holiday season and to all of the families  of Newtown Connecticut.... My prayers are with you.