Today has been one of those: "I hate diabetes days."

When I woke up this morning I felt an odd feeling of anxiety which I hadn't felt in a very long time.  My daughter, Kalee, has been struggling this past week with very high blood sugars and at times my fears and frustration can get the best of me...  When I say fears....  I am referring to fear of how these high blood sugars are affecting Kalee's long term health.  Frustration of why after all of these years of caring for diabetic children can't I get it right!!  I know that these thoughts can seem irrational...  but I'm only human and for some reason today it all seemed to hit me like a ton of bricks.  As I gave Kalee an injection of novelog in hopes that her blood sugar would come down faster...  I put on a tough front but part of me wanted to fall apart. I guess you would say that I am having one of those "I hate diabetes days!!"  I'm entitled aren't I??  We are off to bring in the New Year with some friends and family tonight and part of me wants to jump under my covers with the blankets pulled over my head :(  As I head out this evening with a smile on my face and my husband and children by my side I will do the big Happy New Year thing with hugs and kisses and horns and whistles.  I'm taking a deep breath and moving on trying to convince myself that I can only do the best that I can.  Happy New Year my friends...  Prayers for a healthy 2013 <3

Goodbye 2012 and Happy New Year!! ;)

As 2012 winds down my hope and prayer is that we are one year closer to a cure for all of our Type 1 families out there. In reflecting upon the year I would have to say that it has definitely been filled with the ups and downs of good days/ bad days... High blood sugars and low blood sugars. Pumps working and pumps failing. I have been blessed by this blog... It has allowed me to encounter so many people that know exactly how it feels to have that lump in your throat as the b/g meter reads a blood sugar of 435 and the feeling of satisfaction/ even happiness when at the end of the day the average blood sugar has been 136. I am grateful for all of the support that has been given to me from so many who go through the daily task of caring for and raising children with Type 1. I must say that I learn so much about strength and endurance from my children. Their resilience is amazing to me. Although, 2012 hasn't been a perfectly easy road (when you find that easy road would you please let me know?) It has been a road full of life lessons which have made me more knowledgeable than I was the year before. As I sit here typing in my bed at 3 a.m (just after a blood sugar check)... looking back upon the year brings on a feeling of melancholy. My hearts desire is a cure for our children... I am hopeful that this is on the horizon, and grateful that I have them in my life to love and learn from... Happy New Year to all of you Type 1 families. I know that life affected by Type 1 isn't easy... in fact, it is down right difficult at times... I am holding on to the hope that with each year we are one step closer to a breakthrough... So bring it on 2013!!! Love to all of you <3

Putting it into perspective....

Life as we know it has been changed with the course of events that have occurred over the past week.  I haven't had words to begin to express my heartfelt grief for the families affected by the Newtown tragedy.  The world is still the same.  There has always been good and evil, but somehow when the lives of children are taken away it feels as if the goodness of the world has been removed...  Let me also make mention of the heroic adults who too, lost their lives to this horrific tragedy.  I have been reflecting all week, trying to wrap my mind around this devastating event but cannot even begin to process the thought of losing any of my children.  As I finished up the last of the Christmas shopping and wrapping of gifts I could not help but feel an overwhelming sense of guilt and sadness for celebrating a holiday, when other families are suffering such a deep loss from having their children tragically taken from them.  Somehow, over the course of the past week, the midnight and 3 a.m blood sugar checks haven't seemed as exhausting.  In fact, there was actually a part of me that was grateful to wake up and have my children sleeping soundly in their beds while I was testing their blood sugars.  As I sent them out the door to school each day, with a silent prayer of protection over their lives...  I thanked God for giving them to me.   So many times over the years, I have had to stop myself from questioning "why" two of my children were stricken with Type 1 and today I feel guilty for asking such a question because I am so grateful just to have them.  Do not get me wrong, I am only human, and I realize that I am still going to have those feelings of frustration with the dreadful days of treating high and low blood sugars but when such an event occurs like that of Sandy Hook, it puts it all into perspective.  May God bless and keep you all safe and sound this holiday season and to all of the families  of Newtown Connecticut.... My prayers are with you.

NYC At Christmas Time... It Can Be Tricky but...It Can Be Done ;)

Well...  Yesterday we decided to take our annual 2 1/2 hour road trip into NYC for some Manahttan Christmas sight-seeing and shopping.  We have tried to make this a tradition since the kids were small and the city is so beautifully clad with decoration at Christmas time.  I must say having to pack the extra insulin, pump supplies, test strips, sugar tabs. and meters does take a little bit of the "magic" from the trip but I refused to let it damper my spirit..  Once we were on the road and I checked and rechecked my bags about 50 times to be sure that I had all of the needed supplies, I took a deep breath as the kids excitment for Christmas in NYC escalated. We had a wonderful time in Rockefellar Center, seeing the tree and walking Fifth Ave..  Taking in all of the magically decorated store windows.  I should not leave out the chestnuts/hotdogs and pretzels which are part of the tradition of the city.  We have gotten pretty good over the years with testing blood sugars on the corner of fifth and park ave.  Although it Can be tricky....  It Can be done!  Somewhere between Central Park and Herald Square at 34th St. one of the kids usually goes low...  Of course they do.  It is tons of walking!!!  That is where fruit snacks and sugar tablets in the pockets come in handy.  At home we use juice boxes to treat a low but in the city they are a bit too much to carry around.  In Macy's, after Santa Land, we stop for a hot chocolate and a gingerbread cookie with lots of carbs....  (That is what I am thinking silently, to myself, the entire time that the kids are happily savoring their treats).  I know that only you Type 1 parents understand that thought process ;).  As we head into Time Square,  Michael has another low (which he is thrilled about because he loves the fruit snacks)....  As he munches, we keep walking toward our final destination.  In Time Square, after visiting the M&M and Hershey Store, The Disney Store, and Toys r Us  (FAO Schwarz is still my favorite toy store- even if it doesn't have an indoor ferris wheel) we moved on to our dinner reservation.  Not before taking a picture in front of the the 2012 New Years' Ball that drops every year in Time Square.  So I would say that our family traditon of NYC at Christmas time was a success, with only a few high and low blood sugars here and there (to be expected)..  In the world of Type 1....  It was a day that went off as close to "Without a Hitch" as they come ;)  Enjoy your family traditions and try not to let the little (and sometimes BIG) inconveniences of Type 1 Diabetes prevent you from having fun <3

Tis' the Season...

The holidays are here!!  This is the time of year when the Christmas parties and family gatherings are in full force.  With the parties come all of the delicious treats: cakes, candies, cookies..  (canolli's- if you are Italian ;)  Sometimes, as you Type1 parents know, these goodies can wreak a lot of havoc on the blood sugars.  The counting carb. part of my brain goes into overdrive (sometimes overload) at this time of year!  I do my best to keep watch as to what my children are eating, although not always an easy task.  We try to enjoy the festivities as much as possible.  In the early years of the Type 1 diagnoses....  these parties were more of an anxiety festival for me but as experience would have it....  I embrace the holiday gatherings, a bit more than I had in the past.  I do the best that I can to work with the kids on figuring out all of the carbs that they are taking in... (Although sometimes we are very off. Other times we are right on!).  My advice to the parents heading into the holiday season..  is to try as much as possible to enjoy it.  It is once a year, and they won't be little forever...  We make mistakes with the carb. counting and the insulin bolus's might be wrong but mistakes happen...  Correct the high's and lows, and try, if you can to move on and enjoy yourself.  It is not healthy for anyone to worry sick over carb. counting.  Believe me... I know! Carry extra insulin and extra sugar with you for those mistakes which happen from time to time.  Don't beat yourself up over the mistakes...  we ALL make them.  I try as much as possible not to say "no" to the treats at these parties..  After all, it is Christmas time.  My hope is that as the kids get older they will use better discretion in deciding whether or not to have that third and fourth cookie..  We are definitely not there yet:( So in the mean time we will ride through these holidays "guesstimating" the carbs and praying for a good A1C!  Happy Holidays to all of you Type 1 Families.  You hold a special  place in my heart.  I especially understand that even the most happiest of occasions can be stressful in the world of Type 1 <3 

When It Rains, It Pours... ;)

Well, I am fairly certain that from reading my past few blogs here and there you can probably get the picture that "Things" in general, have been far from perfect in this household lately ;)   Today is Friday and to put it mildly, I am glad that this week is winding down.  My husband left Monday for his last week of training in New Hampshire. The same Monday that Michael's insulin pump randomly deactivated his omnipod as the school bus was coming down the road to pick him up for the start of the new school week :(  Thank God for Grandma- who lives across the street, and was awake, dressed and willing to drive Michael to school once a new omnipod had been replaced...  This is the same Monday that my cell phone (which the kids call and text me with blood sugars through out the day on) decided to stop taking incoming calls!!  After hours of frustrating conversations with my celluar company, it seems, for now, that the problem has been resolved...  Okay, sigh.... Monday's crisis seems to be winding down. Tuesday morning...  6 a.m..  Wake up time!  The kids blood sugars seem fairly stable, everyone has gotten themselves together in a timely fashion and Michael has ten minutes to spare before the arrival of the school bus.  He turns the televesion on and drops the remote...  Okay, not a big deal, this happens frequently in our house.  The t.v screen turns an odd bluish color so I unplug the t.v and the cable to reset the televesion.  The picture comes up beautifully after a few minutes but...  there is absolutly no sound!!  Oh my goodness..  Maybe it is the mute button..  NOPE. The t.v is not on mute..  Trying to hide my frustration, as the bus is now heading down the street...  I grab Michaels backpack and send him on his way...  All the while in a state of panic, as now...  I have no t.v.  It is broken :(  Somethings in life I do not hesitate to replace  immediatly..  The washer, the dryer and of course the t.v!  I quickly got on-line, in a frenzy, determined to purchase a new one, when the voice of rational (my mother) tried to persuade me to contact the cable company.  I explain, to her, that the sound going on a t.v is not a cable issue..  it is a television issue but Mom convinces me to call.  After a half and hour on hold and fifteen minutes of directions and a walk thru on how to get into seven different screens, from "Mike the cable guy" the problem had been resolved...  My mother (and Mike the cable guy had just saved me $500.00!).  Okay, Tuesdays crisis seems to be resolved!  Wed. went by unscathed, with just a few night time high blood sugars which came down nicely by morning.   As Thursday came around I was feeling like just maybe we would come out of this week with our sanity in tact..  The day went well..  Kalee had a late afternoon six month check up, at the Albany Med. Neuro. Dept. (Just to check in for migraines.)  We got a good report from the Dr. and were about to leave, when this hot, faint feeling came over me.  I said to Kalee, "Lets just take a seat in the waiting room for a moment until this feeling passes."  We sat and about three minute later I was ready to head through the hospital and out the doors to the parking lot.  Once in the car, Kalee tells me that she can't find her cell phone...  Really??  You have got to be kidding me, right??  No.. NOT KIDDING.  She had it in the neurolgy office and now it is gone.  After pulling myself together enough to stop ranting we walked through the parking lot, into the hospital, up the elevator into the office... where there was no cell phone.  We moved chairs and called it about 100 times but to no avail.  I finally gave up and decided to leave.  We got in the car and headed home.  I wasn't speaking because I knew I'd cry and rant, once home, Kalee takes her coat off and casually says.. "Oh my goodness, here is my phone in this hidden pocket." I was relieved  but wanted to scream at the same time...  By midnight the stomach bug had hit me, thus explaining the hot faint feeling that came over in the Neurologist office.  So now it Friday...  My husband is home, my stomach thing seems better and the week is winding down..  But I think this past Monday through Friday could be titled: Our Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Week.  Much like children's book written by Judith Viorist about Alexandars Terrible, Horrible , No Good, Very Bad day...  ;(  Hopes for a better weekend to come!

Typical Type 1 Thanksgiving... "For our family anyway ;)"

Well, what began as a very nice Thanksgiving turned into a bit of a diabetic crisis this evening.  As we sat around a lovely table enjoying our feast with family, my son, Michael, came to me to say that he had finished his dinner and was ready to move on to dessert.  I took his omnipod out of my purse to cover for all of the delicious carbs. that he had devoured.  As I programmed the carbohydrate count into the omnipod, the pdm read... "PDM failure, Insulin delivery stopped, change pod now."  along with a 1-800 #  to contact.  As you can imagine, I became so frustrated.  I mean really....  what timing! Couldn't this have happened on an uneventful day at home??   NO!!!..  It had to happen while we were visiting family for Thanksgiving, right after a huge meal.  I quickly got up from the table and contacted the 800 number.  The customer service rep. was apologetic and gave me instructions on how to reset the pdm.  Suddenly the pdm began flashing on and off with lines through it.  Oh my gosh...  something was very wrong with this pump!  The customer service rep explained that the pump had absolutely failed.  Michael was getting no insulin.  I went into a brief panic then got myself together enough to remember that I had an extra pdm at home.  I quickly found the car keys and headed out the door to my house..  (only 10 minutes away, thankfully.)  At home, I grabbed the new pdm, pod, needles, extra Novelog, even Lantus, just in case I could not get the new pdm to work, (Although the scary thing is...  it has been so long since we have used Lantus, I was unsure how many units to safely administer).  I had placed my notebook with Michael's info on the settings such as basals, carb to insulin ratios, and correction factors in such a safe place that even I could not find it!  Panic!  I had to guess on all of Michael's settings as I programmed this pdm.  As I sat in a room full of people trying to think clearly, I realized that not one person in the room could help me and I felt so completely alone, knowing that I was the only one that could fix this for my son.. and praying that I would do it accurately.  I pretended to be calm but my flushed face and the hives on my chest were giving my "fake calm" away.  Michael's pod was changed, his blood sugar was tested and his pdm was set up, but hours later, the lump in my throat still remained, as did the hives.  We are home now, and Michael is tucked into bed for the night.  He seems to have not a care in the world. I am thankful that my anxiety did not affect him this evening...  So tonight, while most of the world sleeps,  I will be continuously checking my sons blood sugar to be sure that the settings I have programmed into the pdm were close to accurate...  I wish it could have been a drama free Thanksgiving but then again....  all of the Type 1 parents understand that this is just part of our reality!!  Happy Thanksgiving everyone....  I am still keeping my hopes up for a "Crisis free Christmas"...  ;)

Thankfulness.. Not for Type 1 but, for some of the lessons that have come from it ....

I am thankful for so many things but the hustle and bustle of every day life in general can cause one to lose sight of  that which truly matters.  I will never say that I am grateful for Type 1 diabetes because I AM NOT.  Although I can actually say that Type 1 has taught me some valuable lessons along the way.  When my daughter was diagnosed eight years ago it put life into perspective.  The material/frivolous "things"  no longer mattered.  My focus was entirely on my family.  I realized that in a blink on an eye...  life could change.  Our world was changed forever over night. Type 1 also gave me a sense of what is actually "important" in life.  I no longer cared so much as to what others thought of me.... My days of out to please people were over.  It became about doing what was good for my family and this has seemed to work out for us over the years.  Type 1 has a way of causing you to not worry so much about the laundry, the bills, and the plumbing problems (Lord knows we have plumbing problems).....  At the end of the day all of those issues will still be there... But the moments that we cherish with our family are not guaranteed to any of us.  So...  I will take the lessons that I have learned from my children's diagnosis of Type 1 and try to better myself from them...  I can actually say that I am grateful for these life lessons but I will NEVER say that I am grateful for Type 1 diabetes... just for the valuable lessons that have come along with it!  Happy Thanksgiving everyone.... enjoy the Turkey! It's free in carbs....;)

"A Free Pass"... would be nice ;)

Doesn't it seem that with everything that children with Type 1 have to go through on a daily basis;  they should have a "free pass" for things to come a little easier for them?  Well, I feel, as a mom, that life in general should go smoother for these kids but unfortunately life definitely does not work this way.  I had my son Michael's 6th grade parent teacher conference today.  It was full of lots of  "Michael is a wonderful child," "Michael does so well," "Michael is so kind," comments, which could not make a mom more proud but, my sweet boy Michael has had to work extremely hard for everything that comes to him.  The one statement that was repeated by his teacher was, "Michael works so hard at everything that he does."  As a parent, I couldn't ask for more effort than what  he puts forth... Studying and time put into homework that brings us into some very late nights. As I sat there listening to the teachers speak so positively of Michael...  I couldn't help but fill up with tears...  I tried desperately to hold them back, as not to look like a crazy, over-emotional mother.  In my head all I kept thinking was...  "He should not have to work so hard for this."  Of  course, I did not say that, but having to see all that my eleven year old has to go through every day just caring for his diabetes..... in my heart of hearts I feel like he should have a "free pass" for things to come easy!  It sounds absolutely ridiculous, I'm sure, to some of you out there.  We are so proud of Michael efforts  but.... for my "baby"  who goes through so much with his health alone...  I WANT LIFE TO BE EASY!!  All of the adults reading this are laughing, I'm sure, as having lived life a little everyone knows that it is not always fair but I am just expressing the feelings of a mom that wishes with all of her heart that she could take this disease from her children and carry the entire burden of it herself..  No parents, life certainly is not easy but all that I hope and pray for (besides a cure) is that my Michael's hard work will make him appreciate all of the positive that comes from his effort....  But it still doesn't take away from the fact that as a mom who sees first hand the daily struggles that these totally resilient kids have to go through every day, I wish more than anything that they all could get a "Free Pass" for the other aspects of life to come a little easier.  Unfortunately life does not work this way and because it doesn't I find that that these Type 1 kids have a strength within them that goes deeper than I can comprehend.  They are the  most admirable of all....  but a "free pass" wouldn't be so bad, Now would it?? ;) 

Technology... When it works it's terrific, but when it doesn't.. What havic!!! :(

Okay....  so things seemed to be going well last night.  The kids got settled in at a fairly decent hour and everyones blood sugar seemed to be under control.  I woke up at about 1 a.m to check on Michael and Kalee.  Michael's blood sugar was a perfect 130 (perfect in my book for sleeping) and Kalee's continuous glucose meter (Dexcom) read 164 (a little on the high side but still decent).  I decided not to correct and check in an hour to see if she would come down on her own.  About an hour later I woke up and saw that Kalee's Dexcom still read in the 160 range...  for some reason, I decided to do a quick finger stick so that I could rest peacfully...  The meter read 374!....  ARE YOU KIDDING ME???  How could the Dexcom be so off from her actual blood sugar?  I decided to check it again, after cleaning off her finger with an alcohol swab, in hopes that maybe a lotion or a soap was causing the high reading. NOPE... 376, okay...  it is not the finger stick that is the problem it is the continous glucose meter!!  UGH!!  When technology works it is a God send but when it doesn't it can really wreak havic.  Of course, this is typical, that it is occuring at 2 a.m and not in the middle of the day...  Why does everything have to happen at night (or the wee hours of the morning)?  Really, is it not meant for us moms to sleep?  Even when the kids were small, everything always happened at night, the fevers, the earaches, the croupy coughs!  So now here I am with my 14 year old daughter still up at night!  First I acted quickly and gave her an injection of novelog...  to be certain that she was getting insulin. Then, I changed her omnipod... Now it was time to change out her Dexcom only to wake in two more hours to calibrate it!!!! Thats technology for you.  Sometimes it can make your life less complicated and more convenient and other times it can be a disaster!!  By 5 a.m Kalee's blood sugar was already down to 174.  The Dexcom was reading accuratly and the omnipod seemed to be administering the insulin accordingly so....  at 6:30 a.m Kalee was feeling good and getting ready for school...  packing up her meters and recievers... almost as if nothing had gone haywire 4 hours prior.  Type 1 has a way of making me think I am losing my mind sometimes..  Well,  I am glad that Kalee is feeling well and all of her gadgets are working properly.  As for myself....  I will plug away through the day in hopes that technology will come through for us tonight so that we all can actually get some sleep!! 

Halloween... A Little Less Tricky and A Little More Treaty Would Be Nice!

Halloween Party

Macy and Kalee :)

Thing 2 with Olympic Gold Medalist ;)

With Halloween just around the corner,  I thought I'd write a little something about those days, when the kids were small.  The days of Halloween parades and parties at school.  I don't dread the holiday as much as I used to but when the kids were little I would be running from one floor of the school to the other floor of the school trying to play "Super Mom -Classroom Parent"  while counting candy, cupcake, and cookie carbs..  or should I say making up carb. counts, because I could not possibly keep track of what everyone was putting into their mouths.  I would break out into a cold sweat just knowing what the day ahead was going to bring ...  The kids were full of excitment, so I would paste a smile on my face pretending to be thrilled with the Halloween Festivities that were to come, but I knew that I had a long night ahead of me, fixing blood sugars that I could not realistically keep up with on party day!  That's the thing with Type 1...  it has a sneaky way of taking the fun out of things that are supposed to be a blast..  Not really for the children.  I tried not to allow that....  Halloween was a "free pass" day for them, to enjoy the candy and treats without fear of mom saying "no" to all of the yummy's that they wanted to fill their tummy with.  I am talking about the fun that is taken from the parents who have to swallow the lump in their throat and do the best they can just to keep their childrens blood sugar in a "safe" range. That was my goal on Halloween...  "Not a great blood sugar but a safe blood sugar"....  Now that the kids are older I embrace the holiday a little more than I used to.  There are no more Halloween parades.. Michael still has a little party at school, but nothing too overwhelming....  We will carve our pumpkins (and eat up the pumpkin seeds)-1/2c is about 3 to 3.5 carbs....  The kids will dress up in costume (even my teenagers...  they love the dress up more than my eleven year old does)... and will head out to do some trick-or-treating.  The candy that comes home gets sorted into what we like to eat and what we don't like.  The "like" pile gets put into our big candy bowl and we will treat ourselves to some sweet each day until it is all eaten up... Which doesn't take more than a few days since my husband has little control of his sweet tooth :)  So....  for all of you families out there with Type 1 kids and Halloween on the horizon...  I know exactly what you are going through...  The mixed emotion of excitment for the kids and the overwhelming emotion of the work that is in store for you.  Very soon.... your little one's will get bigger and even though it certainly is not an easy road.....  The Trick-or-Treats will become a little less tricky and a little more treaty for your family;)...  Good luck and Happy Halloween!!

Roller Coaster of a Night.....

 Well, last night seemed a little more hectic than the usual. (But nothing too out of the ordinary for this household).  My daughter, Kalee had a soccer game, so I did the normal routine of checking my son Michael's homework before I left him with my oldest daughter Macy to head out to watch Kalee play.  (My husband is away for business so we could not tag team as we usually do)..  Things seemed fine at the game, although Kalee's omnipod got knocked off  twice, which has become a normal occurrence when she plays.... When did soccer become such a physical contact sport??  What happened to just kicking the ball??  As you can probably tell the athlete in Kalee did not come from her mother :)  After the game I needed to get home to cook dinner but Kalee was asked to stay with her team for pizza and watch the Varsity girls last home game for "Senior Night".  I was uneasy with leaving her at the field because the blood sugars go a little haywire after a soccer game but...  she tested and was at a stable 148 so I agreed that she could stay, eat pizza, call me once, and I would pick her up by 7:30, about an hour and a half later.  I came home put dinner on the table, cleaned up and stared at the clock until Kalee called.  I picked her up and she was fine (or so I thought).  We were home and I took a deep breath...  All of the kids were getting settled in for the night and I felt that I could finally relax...  The girls finished up homework and studying by 10:00 p.m. Michael had been asleep since 9:00...   Things seemed calm, then I reminded Kalee to test her blood sugar before bed.  She said she was feeling like she was dropping and her blood sugar was 80 so she grabbed a juice and lowered her backround insulin (basal), then went to sleep.  I checked her at 11:30 p.m just as I was about to hit the pillow and she seemed clammy... Her blood sugar was 44.  I woke her, gave her two juices (thinking that I would fix the high later)...  and went into my bedroom to rest for maybe about twenty minutes before I tested her again.  My eyes were getting heavy but I was certain that in a little while Kalee's blood sugar would rise, then I could sleep.  When I checked her at about midnight she had dropped even lower to an unbelievable 34 (and that was after the two juice boxes that I had given her a half an hour earlier)...  UGH!!!  This was not going to be a good night :(   I lowered her basal to practically nothing, gave her some sugar tablets and fruit snacks (all while she was half asleep) and waited....  I hoped that she would begin to rise but 30 minutes later she was sitting at 60...  not a good enough increase for me to go to sleep.  I did not want to turn her insulin off but I was beginning to contemplate that...  I adjusted the omnipod to the lowest basal that I could and gave her more juice, waited, and prayed.....  This went on until about 4 a.m.  For some reason unknown to me Kalee's blood sugar did not want to rise.  By 4:30 she was up to 90 (still with minimal backround insulin).  I fell asleep until 5:30 a.m when the alarm startled me into a shaken frenzy.  I thought for sure that Kalee's blood sugar would shoot up and be at least 300 from the affects of all of the sugar throughout the night but at 6 a.m her blood sugar was only 86...  I was stumped..  Some how, some way for some reason it seemed to me that Kalee's body was kicking out some of it's own insulin....  If only it would have stayed.... :(   God love her though, she woke up like a champion and headed out the door to school after a night of completely disrupted sleep without one complaint.  By lunch time Kalee had texted me that her blood sugar was rising and she was almost at 200 so we put her regular basal (backround insulin) back into place...  No explanation for what had occurred the night before just part of the the roller coaster ride that Type 1 takes us on from time to time... ;p

Take Time to Take Care of YOURSELF...

I recently have been suffering from back/leg pain that has become quite debilitating.  When I say recently, I should probably clarify that the nagging pain began about 8 months ago.  As we mom's tend to do..  I managed to ignore it and continued to push on with a weekly bottle of Advil (not recommended) and sneakers (instead of high heels).  Throughout the summer the pain became a constant and by August it was obvious that I needed to seek medical advice. I put off seeing the Dr. until the kids returned to school in September...  By this time I could hardly walk or stand for more than a half and hour without a shooting pain that wanted to knock me off of my feet!  After a few x-rays and an MRI it was confirmed that I have a severely herniated disc with broken fragments hitting a multitude of nerves in my back and legs.  Following a consult with a neuro-surgeon (that was interrupted by two phone calls from each of the kids at school with low blood sugars)  I realized very quickly that I HAVE NO TIME FOR THIS!!  As the Dr. began talking surgery I felt the color drain from my face.  This surgery requires a few days in the hospital for recovery and this mom cannot afford to be in the hospital recovering when there are blood sugars to be tested an omnipods to fill:( I made it quite clear that I was willing to attempt every other option before even considering surgery.  I really need to be home for the kids...  I am kicking myself now for putting off and putting off caring for my own self.   How can I be of use to my children if I am stuck in a hospital bed??!!  Here I was  trying not to pay attention to the warning signs of something that could  have possibly been prevented by some physical therapy and rest if I had taken some time out for me and now because of my stubborn "No one can take care of things like I can," attitude, I am facing surgery.  When the Dr. mentioned a few days recovery my first thought was, Who will take care of the kids?. I don't mean cloths, food, showers, homework they are all self-sufficient enough to take care of those immediate needs.  I am referring to the night time lows and the the 3 a.m highs.  The daily insulin corrections..  and the carb. counting.  This is a real fear of mine.  I have depended only on myself to do these things and now I am in a jam.  My husband can certainly take on the task for a few days but this month of all months he is off to another state for business...  only home on the weekends...  There is a lesson to be learned here moms....  Take care of yourself and let people help you!  I have never felt that anyone could care for the kids as well as I could and because of my self-righteous attitude I am in a real jam!!  If I had only accepted help along the way this issue might have been only a bump in the road but unfortunately it is now a huge dilemma of who will take care of my children's diabetic needs while I am recovering....   I will hope and pray that more conservative medical measures will alleviate some of the pain and nerve damage....  Please learn from my mistake moms!!  Take time to take care of yourselves;)

Baby Steps.....

Every since my children were first diagnosed with Type 1...   I have periodically gone through "A thing," you could say, where I just want to keep them close to me...  This does not fare well with my 14 year old as you can imagine, and she has managed to break through my barrier and branch out.  Allowing someone else to be responsible for any of my children has been a huge struggle for me especially during their younger years.  I am not referring to school.  I am fairly (not completely) comfortable with sending them to their place of instruction every day where there are health officials on staff, and full day supervision.. (definitely more supervision in the lower grade level schools rather than the high school).  I am talking about the extracurricular activities,  sleepovers (which I still have a hard time with), birthday parties,  just simple play dates have become almost a nervous breakdown for me, at times.  I had managed to come up with excuse after excuse why the kids could not make it to these events when they were small, but as they got older it became more difficult.  The inevitable happened, where the kids developed a mind of their own...  and they wanted to go! ;)  My, Michael, has a birthday party to go to this evening and I can not help thinking....  "What if he forgets to call me with the food that he eats?"  "What if he does not take the time to test his blood sugar before cake?" "What if he drinks the regular soda instead of diet?"  "What if he goes low and does not want to take the time to treat?"  What if, What if, What if!!!  I mean really....  Michael will be gone for 2-1/2 hours and I am having "A thing"...  I continuously tell myself..."Mary, you have to let him go." but, I think having something traumatic happen in your life changes a persons way of thinking.  Some people may disagree, but having my children diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes, is on the top of my list of traumatic things that have happened in my life.  Not to mention,  Michael is "The Baby" in the house which makes me want to hover a little more.   He will go to the party this evening and the odds are in his favor that everything will turn out fine.  This is just one of my struggles that I must work on daily.... Letting Michael go tonight may seem like "Baby Steps" to most people, but I would consider this to be a GINORMOUS step in my world...  ;)

Hours Later....

Well Michael went to the party and all seemed well... He called me 2X's with the food that he had eaten.  When we picked him up he looked a little glassy eyed to me.. A look that was all too familiar  but that no one else would notice unless they had encountered it before.  In the car he was talking but seemed a little grouchy which is not his demeanor at all...  When we got home I quickly tested Michael (against his will)...  The meter read "low"which indicates that his blood sugar was too low to give an accurate read.  He was insisting that he felt high and refused fruit snacks and juice...  even a granola bar (I was desperate and offered anything that he might like).  He wanted strawberries and water...  Not enough sugar at all, but the berries were a start...  He ate them and I was able to coerce him into eating a popsicle as well...  Once Michael's blood sugar hit a whopping 65, his sweet little personality came back... Episodes like this, which happened tonight, cause me to continue to go through "My Thing" of always wanting to keep the kids with me... (Unrealistic, I know, but it's just the way I feel.) Michael is fine now and all turned out well,  but I do not foresee these "Ginormous Steps" of letting my children go every becoming easy little "Baby Steps" for me in the near future..  :(

High Heels and Homecoming....

Okay...  so here we go!  Off to high school and having fun!  Tonight is the Homecoming Dance.  My daughters and their friends have been looking forward to going since the start of school.  The dresses, shoes, jewelry have been purchased but now....  back to our world....Where will I wear my pod??  Question number one comes up as Kalee tries on her fitted dress that doesn't leave much room for a clunky insulin filled pod stuck to your stomach.  Try lower, try higher, try more toward the hip....  is my reply, as we try desperately to find an inconspicuous spot!!!  Okay, first problem solved... we will put it closer to the hip..  Now how about the sensor which is on the stomach...  Let's try to stretch the dress a little bit in the stomach area so that sensor doesn't pop right through...  Where will I put my pdm monitor and test strips???  In your small black purse with your phone I reply.... Is the purse big enough?  We'll make it fit....  These are the little issues that have a way of putting a damper on something that is supposed to be fun and exiting....  Kalee is still wearing a big smile on her face but then realizes...  no room for the sugar tablet bottle in her purse!!  No problem, we will put tablets in a plastic baggie and squish them in there....  The smile fades a little bit.   I tell her not to allow all of this to take the fun out of her night.  In my heart I really want to say.....  don't forget to test at least once (preferably twice), lower your basal if you have more than one low.....  and call me!!!  Instead I smile, give her a hug and tell her to be wise, and have fun.  Heart wrenching for me.  I would love to be right there with Kalee making sure that she is doing everything that I have taught her over the years  but...  the reality of it is....  I am not going to be able to be over her shoulder every minute for the rest of her life.  A very tough reality for this mom to accept.  So, as my daughter heads off to her first Homecoming Dance ... I must step back and silently pray that she takes what I have taught her and makes wise decisions not only relating to her blood sugar but to life choices in general....  (It helps to know that her older sister will be there keeping an eye on things as well;)  High heels and Homecoming...  here we come!!

Kalee posing with Michael before the dance.

Macy and Kalee all ready for Homecoming...

 

Report Card Day.... A1C

Well tomorrow is our three month appointment, when I take the kids to the endocrinologist for their A1C blood test.  I can't help but to get knots in my stomach whenever this day comes.  I have always felt as if the kids A1C is a report card as to how I am doing with controlling their blood sugars.   Over the years (especially when Kalee was little) the A1C's ranged between 6.2 to 6.8... (a good range in the world of Type1 D) Michael's have remained nicely controlled for now but, as adolescence creeps up, so do the A1C's.  We have been seeing between 7.1 to 8.5 over the past year with our teenager.  I would be lying if I did not admit that these gradual increases trouble me. My heart, now, skips a beat when the phone rings with the lab results.  I mean... really, What is the matter with me??  Do I think that the Dr. is going to put a big FAIL on my forehead when the A1C's increase??   I know that logically this makes no sense at all. As much as I tell my brain to stop..  I just can't seem to... We have wonderful Dr's that have always given positive feedback regarding the labs yet...  I tend to want to beat myself up over the increases that come along with growth spurts and hormones...  I am going to try to take a deep breath and accept the fact that I am doing the best that I can....  My teenager is taking on a little more of the responsibility.  Letting go, even a little bit, has been difficult. Teaching our children independence is what we parents strive for, right?? .... Although, with their health, independence, adds a different dimension to the equation.  As I go to sleep tonight, anticipating tomorrows Dr. appt...  I know, with confidence that I have put my greatest effort into getting a "good grade" on "report card day."   That is the best I have to offer...;)  I applaud all of the mom's out there putting their energy into keeping their children healthy...  Even if the A1C's aren't the greatest we should most certainly receive an A+ for effort!!!

The Things that People Say....

People try sometimes a little too hard to say the "right" things, with the intent, I suppose, to comfort.  Some words that I wish I could have forgotten have remained imprinted in my mind.  I remember one particular incident when Kalee was first diagnosed...  We were in the hospital and a nurse had come to take her blood.  She stuck her two times and was going in for a third when I told her "No more," and asked to please get someone else to try.... We have rights.. and no will advocate for a child like their parent.  She must have been insulted by my request and said with a smile on her face, "Well, with diabetes she will have to get used to needles."  I asked her to please leave the room...  When she left, I thought to myself, "Who would say something so insensitive in front of a six year old child?" I had no idea, at the time, that her words would be the first of many, "Things that people say," that cause me to question if people really consider the words that come out of their mouths.  I cannot count how often I have had to hear over the years, "God doesn't give us anything more than we can handle." Now, I am a very religious person, relying on my faith to get through any struggle that I am facing, but I have to tell you that no where in the bible have I ever found a passage saying that "God doesn't give us anything more than we can handle".... With each of our children's diagnosis I can say for sure that I felt that I was definitely dealing with much more than I could handle!  Another moment that comes to mind was a morning when I ran out to Target to get the essentials...  from laundry detergent to socks....  I just love Target.. it's a one stop shop!  While I was picking up some necessities I ran into a woman that I hadn't seen in quite some time.  When I asked how she and her family had been her response to me was this... "Well, I have good days and bad days but no matter how bad it gets I tell myself life could be worse it could be like yours with the sick children...."  Talk about dumb founded.  How was I suppose to respond to that? I felt like someone had just kicked me in the stomach.  I smiled and politely excused myself then left the shopping cart in the middle isle to run to my car and cry.... Over the years I have developed a thicker skin and now believe it or not I actually find some humor in the ridiculous things that people will say.  It is inevitable that as mom's with diabetic children we will have to hear many times comments like "Your child shouldn't be eating that."or...  "I knew someone who grew out of their diabetes."..  This is an all time favorite..  "My Great Grandfathers cousin got diabetes when he was seventy-five and had to takes a pill that helps him."  It used to frustrate me when people would make these remarks but over the years I have learned to grin and bear it.  Some people don't know what to say (so it would really be best to say nothing at all).  Some just do not have any knowledge about Type 1.  Take it in stride mom's.... (although this can be difficult) Look at the interesting writing material that can come from the ridiculous and sometimes insensitive..."Things That People Say..."   ;)

Parenting 101 ... :) No Perfect Recipe

All of the effort that we mom's put into keeping our children healthy...  by testing blood sugars  throughout the day (and the countless sleepless nights), counting carbohydrates in everything that they consume..., not to mention the "guesstimating"  on the foods which we are unsure of. Oops..., I almost forgot to bring up how we follow the kids around (when they are little) at birthday parties and family gatherings trying to keep track of what goes in their mouths as they graze on just about every food there is to be offered.  I remember the knots that I would get in my stomach when we would receive a birthday party invitation. Occasions that were meant to be fun can become some serious work for mom's of Type1 D children.  Somewhere between "tweenager to teenager"  some of the most responsible children may revert back to being six again, wanting their parents to take care of everything from testing all of the blood sugars, bolusing and carb.counting... Many of these tasks which they had been begun to take on for themselves suddenly stop completely.  Type1 is constant. The kids tell me all the time,  "It gets old mom"..  I get that..  I really do:(  Everyone needs a break sometime...  although with Type1 there seems to be no break.  We have experienced our own children wanting to take on their diabetes care all by themselves to wanting nothing at all to do with it.  When this first began happening it was very difficult to accept.  I had seen other parents struggle with this situation and I was one of those mom's that said..  "Not my daughter, not my son ...  that will not happen with them." Well parents....  guess what..  It happened, right in front of my eyes!  Thankfully, I am seeing signs of a turn around with wanting to take on more responsibility..  but there was a period of time that I had felt all of my effort in teaching the "in's" an "out's" of healthy diabetes care only went "in" one ear and "out" the other.  I have learned a great lesson through that experience....  No judging and no being a "know-it-all" in the world of diabetic parenting.  I applaud every one of you mom's that is walking though this and sometimes it takes all that we can do just to get through the day.  Please know that there is a mom out there backing you up and cheering you on without judgement...  ME!!  I have learned over the years that you need to do what works for your family.  It is not the same recipe for every household.  We try our best to teach our children (diabetic or non-diabetic) to be responsible adults.  As much as I would like to believe that they will take as good of care of themselves as I do of them.. the doubts do creep up on me from time to time.  I mean really ladies, you all know that we take much better care of our children than we do of ourselves.  There is a lesson to be learned here....  Kids model their parents...  maybe if we take a little more time in caring for our own selves our children will follow the same example...  I haven't exactly come close to perfecting this yet.  Just one more thing to add on my "to do" list of what I need to improve on!

Fall Photos of the Kids...

Macy's Award Night at school!



Kalee off to School Spirit Day!



Michael ready for a new soccer season!

The Lucky One....

As moms, we naturally worry about all of our children.  For the two with Type 1 my primary focus is their health, of course, along with the many other issues that go with parenting...but for my oldest, Macy (non-diabetic), I have different concerns..  She gets many comments from (well meaning) people, I'm sure. Her favorite by far is, "Oh, Your the Lucky One." You just have to love the things that people say. That in itself will be an entirely separate entry. Being the oldest child in a family where your two other siblings are Type 1 is not always easy. She and I can be engaging in a conversation about her day and my youngest will say..."I feel low," at which point everything stops and I must treat him immediately. Last night we were attending her honor awards ceremony at school and about fifteen minutes into the program my cell phone rang... The issue:  My daughter, Kalee,  had misplaced her omnipod (insulin device).   Now, we have lost our omnipods before....  LOTS AND LOTS of times, but tonight was about Macy (or at least it was supposed to be).  My first thought was to irrationally jump into the car and rush home to find it...  I needed to quickly regroup. Then whispered into my cell, "Keep looking."  While saying a silent prayer that it would turn up the phone rang again.  The pump had been found (under a backpack). Yay!..  Crisis over (for now). These things happen all of the time and of course at the worst possible moments.  I often worry that Macy's quality time with us gets interrupted a little more than it should.  She takes things in stride and I am grateful that she understands that some things are out of my control...  or at least she pretends too....  I am not so certain,  however, that she would always consider herself to be "The Lucky One" ;)

A Number Sets the Tone...

As much as we mom's try not to allow that first morning blood sugar set the tone for the day, it is difficult, at times,  not to. This morning both of the kids woke up with higher than "normal" blood sugars.  When I say "normal"  I mean "normal" for them.  Anything below a 140 would be ideal in my book....  however, in the world of Type 1 Diabetes that doesn't always happen.  We woke up to a 204 and a 190....  Yuck!!!  There was a time, however, when my kids were much younger that I would have been fine with a 190- for all of you mom's that have the little one's with Type 1.  I was happy to see anything below 200 when they were small.  It didn't matter how many times I got up in the middle of the night to fix the blood sugars while the kids slept they still woke up on the high side of the spectrum this morning..."Thanks a lot change of seasons causing our household colds":( that I am sure have contributed to the fluctuations. Although, quite often there is no rhyme or reason to the crazy blood sugars...  sometimes it is a pump which became kinked in the night (my kids are on the omnipod wireless insulin device) or simply the pasta and bread....   Mom (me) is Italian :) that they had for dinner which causes the blood sugars to be high. Then there are those dreaded middle of the night lows....   I am referring to those nights when the kids went to bed at a lovely 150 and at a 3 a.m check their blood sugar is 45....  This happens more with my daughter right now...  Soccer and running has a lot to do with that, as well as being a teenager and all of the hormone fluctuations.  Any parent of a child with Type 1 knows exactly what I am talking about.  The best advice that I can offer is to "treat and move on"  although much easier said than done.  For many years I beat myself up over the bad blood sugars.  Going over and over in my head what I could have done differently to prevent the highs and lows..  Truth is...  there is nothing that we can do to always prevent the highs and lows.  It is the name of the game in Type 1.  Trial and error.  What I do for them today may not work for them tomorrow.  Mom's out there....  go a little easier on yourselves.  We do the best we can.  There is no formula for a perfect blood sugar..... Although life would be much easier if there were!!  Try not to let that morning blood sugar set the tone for your day.....  unless, of course,  it is a good one!:)

Toddlers to Teenagers...

Raising young children with Type 1 is much different than raising teenagers with Type 1.  I have to be honest....  I definitely think that I was much better at it when my daughter was 6 rather than 14.  My son who is now 11 was diagnosed at age 9.  He is still in the "My mom knows everything about how to take care of me phase." :)  My daughter just began her freshman year of high school. She is so past the "My mom knows everything phase"...  Letting go has probably been one of my biggest struggles.  We went from a school where the nurses became like second mom's with three phone calls home each day touching base regarding blood sugars to Freshman year in a very large high school where she has decided that she would like the freedom to take care of her blood sugars independently... (still with a little help from mom.)  Instead of hearing her voice over the phone from school I get a text at lunch and before soccer practice with a simple blood sugar number and if I am really lucky I get a "Thnx.. Lv U" response.  I will take whatever <3 I can get right now.  My son, of course, is still full of the hugs for mom.  I have a feeling that the clock is ticking but I am going to cherish it while it lasts! 

Inspiration Behind the Blog...

My daughter, Macy, encouraged me to create a blog following an incident which took place on our family vacation in Walt Disney World... which, by the way, is our most favorite vacation spot:) We were having a quick lunch in the Magic Kingdom (some time after Space Mountain but before Buzz Light Year). A woman approached me asking if I happened to know how many carbohydrates were in the chicken nuggets on the kids menu. At first, I was taken back, wondering how she possibly knew that I was counting carbs in my head for the food that my children were eating. Then realizing quickly that I was holding their insulin pumps in my hand ( a dead give away for anyone who knows a thing or two about Type 1 Diabetes). I responded with the carbohydrate amount then went on to ask if she were a diabetic. She explained that she was vacationing with her daughter and six year old granddaughter who had been diagnosed a week earlier. Of course any of you mom's out there with diabetic children know the overwhelming grief that comes in that moment when you receive the diagnosis that your child has Type 1. When I heard the news of this six year old child my heart immediately went out to the family. As the little girl took her seat at the table with her mom I could over hear the childs grandmother telling her daughter and granddaughter that the woman (me) sitting at the next table had two diabetic children. I felt compelled to go talk with the child and her mom and as I began speaking... the beautiful little girl stared at me with a big smile on her face while her mother looked me in the eyes with tears running down her cheeks.  At that moment, I was brought back to eight years earlier when my own little girl, now 14, stared at me with her big beautiful smile wondering why the tears were running down my face as the Dr. explained her diagnosis and what it would mean for the rest of her life. I spoke with the mom, briefly, offering some basic information(trying not to be too overwhelming). We exchanged phone numbers and went our separate ways. Two weeks after that encounter I received a text from that mother thanking me for what I had done for her.... She said I was a silver lining in her cloud that day... . I wondered how I could have been her silver lining. I felt that I hadn't done enough. I wished, with all of heart that I could have done more for her. That encounter was the inspiration behind this blog. I hope that families dealing with the struggles of Type 1 Diabetes may see how we cope (and sometimes don't) with the issues that come along with raising children with this diagnosis. I would like to be an encouragement and most importantly put out there that we have days filled with laughter and silliness and sometimes tears and frustration. At the end of the day we are still a family like any other and our children want to be like every other child out there..... It has been a balancing act, which we still haven't quite figured out to perfection...... I don't know that we ever will, but we will certainly keep working on it!!! :)

Nice To Meet You!

Hi there.... My name is Mary (Brancatelli) Waddingham. I am married for 18 years to, Rick Waddingham ♥. I have three beautiful children, Macy-16, Kalee-14, and Michael-11. Two of my three children Kalee and Michael have Type 1 Diabetes... Thus the name "Waddingham's Wish" in hope for a cure someday.